20 Steps To Procrastinate Successfully

What’s up guys, how are you doing?

So I might as well make you all aware that this is going to purely be a Carissa post because, if this isn’t something you’ve gathered yet by reading these posts, Maria does not procrastinate.  Ever.


When we first began living together, I found this very unnerving and super strange.  No one I knew in high school did their homework as dutifully, thoroughly, and quickly as Maria does, and I’m practically the poster child for procrastination.  So honestly, when professors really began throwing essays upon reading assignments upon research projects at us, I expected the majority of students here to go about doing all that work the way I do, the way that is normal to me: binge work.  Or in other words, wait as long as possible and then crack down on it as hard as possible.

College is a whole new ball game, people.  The majority of the students — not all, but most — have studying habits similar to Maria’s.  And this completely blew my mind.

So because I know I’m not the only one in the world who procrastinates more often than they don’t, I want you to know that even if you feel like you’re alone in college, the only one still awake at 3AM writing an essay on the campiness of Grease 2 and why you love it anyway, I’m here for you.  Hypothetically.  All you have to do is come find this blog post, because I get you.  You get me.  And we can procrastinate together.

Here’s how I do it most successfully:

  1. Sit down and get everything ready.  Make a list of all the homework you need to have done by the next morning, rewrite it so it’s ingrained in your mind in case you forget to look at the physical copy often enough, and set it right next to your laptop so that you don’t forget to look at it.
  2. Put your phone on silent and go plug it in somewhere out of sight.  You don’t need that distraction right now.
  3. Go to the bathroom before you actually get started.  Again — don’t need that distraction.
  4. Turn on your laptop and open every social media/entertainment website you’re on regularly (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, YouTube, Wattpad, Ask.fm, etc.).  Check every notification you have so that you get this done and over with because we both know you’ll end up doing it later otherwise.
  5. Lie to your roommate when she asks if you’re doing your homework.  What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her (she actually knows you’re lying, though…just so you know).
  6. Put your headphones in and turn on Taylor Swift’s new album on shuffle because your life will be a disappointment if you don’t know all the words to all of the songs by the end of the week.
  7. Look up the lyrics to Blank Space to see if she actually says “Starbucks lovers” in the chorus because you saw it on Tumblr.
  8. Go back on Wattpad to see if anyone else is talking about 1989 and see that your favorite story was updated.  Read the update.  Read more updates.  Stalk an author or two.  Then exit out of that tab because it’s becoming too much of a distraction.
  9. Go back on Wattpad because you forgot to post a message to your followers about 1989.
  10. Get annoyed by Instagram online because it’s nothing like the app and grab your phone.  See that you have 382794 snapchats and 27464 text messages and proceed to respond to them all.  This will take a few hours, especially once you get on Instagram.
  11. Once everyone who decided you were important while you’re supposed to be doing your homework falls asleep, mentally reprimand yourself for getting distracted so easily.  Return to your laptop with the intentions of exiting out of every tab you still have open.
  12. Become interested by an argument breaking out on Twitter and investigate.
  13. Become interested by something a celebrity posted on Twitter and investigate.
  14. Realize you’re distracted again and exit out of Twitter.
  15. Stop what you’re doing because Shake It Off just came on and you need to dance to it and lip-sync it (your roommate is sleeping at this point) and everyone knows that if you don’t drop what you’re doing upon hearing the first beats of the song, you’re living your life wrong.
  16. Decide you’ve been working too hard for too long and take a refreshment break.  Realize your fridge is out of beverages because this is a routine process and stand in the middle of the room sulking for anywhere between 5 and 25 minutes.  Any longer than that and you’ve got a problem, friend.
  17. Give up on the beverages and return to your laptop, exiting out of every tab this time without even hesitating (because you know if you take one peek at your Tumblr dashboard, you’re a goner).
  18. Check the time, realize you’ve been at this for four hours, realize that you haven’t checked anything off of your list yet, and realize that you have to be awake for class in three hours.  Die a little inside.
  19. With every atom of strength you possess, pick up that book, read what was assigned to you, write the essay for it, and cross it off your list.  Do the same thing with everything else until you’re finished.
  20. Crawl into bed for a quick power nap and wake up in the morning with the intentions of looking like Beyonce even if you feel like One Direction fans when Haylor was a thing.

And that’s how it’s done.  If you follow this guide, you will surely accomplish everything you need to in less time than it takes Colin Mochrie to brush his hair.

(If you didn’t get that reference please go watch Whose Line Is It Anyway, preferably the old version with Drew Carey as host.  You’re welcome.)

Since it is currently 3AM and Maria is asleep and is therefore unable to contribute to this post, I’ll throw in a little something for her benefit so she doesn’t wake up and have an aneurysm after seeing that I condoned such study habits: DON’T LISTEN TO CARISSA SHE’S GOING TO FAIL AT LIFE DO YOUR HOMEWORK AS SOON AS IT’S ASSIGNED, EARLIER IF POSSIBLE, AND MAKE SURE YOU PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO IT THAT YOUR PROFESSORS START DOWNGRADING YOU FOR DOING TOO MUCH RESEARCH OKAY THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO SUCCEED.

With that, I shall leave you to ponder.

Let us know what you thought of this post — if you liked it, I might do more.  Sarcasm and dry humor is fun.

Take care,



Healthy Habits *applause*

Carissa is in class until 8:30 tonight (which frankly is very upsetting to me), so I decided to start this post off then have her add her own section below mine. One of the first things Carissa and I talked about when we were getting acquainted with one another was eating habits, exercise habits, and study habits! Enjoy 🙂

Eating Habits

Since around the start of March, I switched from being your average omnivore to choosing the pescatarian diet. For those of you who do not know what it means, a pescatarian (also spelled pescetarian) is one who does not eat the flesh of animals with the exception of fish. I’m not particularly a ‘fish person’, but it’s a super healthy diet: salmon, tuna steaks, tuna salad, shrimp (I make some delicious fried shrimp – truly top notch), flounder, mussels, and occasionally crab cakes. I even found a new love for veggie burgers, and surprisingly I now enjoy them much more than I regular hamburgers.

Along with adopting this new diet, I cut out sodas (on occasion I would drink a root beer), mayonnaise and most sweets. You may be gawking at your screen right about now, but yes you read that correctly. However, I am not a soda drinker unless it is root beer so that wasn’t too hard, mayo was kind of a big deal, and as for sweets I made nice substitutes. Mayonnaise is my condiment of choice for most sandwiches or french fries, so that took a lot of self-control on my part. And instead of ice cream with M&Ms, I would have low-fat yogurt (yay for probiotics!) with mini M&Ms. This isn’t to say this kind of drastic change in diet is good for you, and it can be hard to make sure you still eat well. Substituting can be problematic in case you switch to a ‘diet’ or ‘high-fructose corn syrup’ version, which can sometimes be worse for you.

But eating well is imperative when entering college due to the dreaded “Freshman Fifteen.”  I lost a huge amount of weight when I switched diets, but after a week I gained a little back because I would eat a lot of avocado, which contains good fats. In all honesty, it is not about losing weight or even gaining weight; it’s about eating healthily and putting good things in your body.

Exercising Habits

I really hate exercising. I used to be able to go hours playing in the neighborhood with other kids and barely get out of breath. Now, exercise almost taunts me. But the trick with exercising is that there are 100s of different ways to do it, and most aren’t typical exercises. Back in Tennessee, the only exercise I received was through walking my dog, and walking to and from classes in high school. Over the summer, I found joy in riding my bike, playing golf with my dad, and going to the pool to do laps, which I never considered as exercise because I had fun! As of the third of September, Carissa and I have yet to go to the Health and Recreation Center for exercising, but seriously school work comes first.

I think something that is key for myself when I workout is loud music. If I blast my music I forget about how tired I am and just focus on the beat of the song. WATER. I never drink enough water, but since I have been here, I make sure to keep a water bottle filled up with water in the fridge. Hydration is one of the most important parts of good exercising habits.  I will probably make a post later on after we actually exercise (the one form of exercise I have done here is riding my bike around campus when I have far to go and only a 5-10 minute block of time), but for now I hope this helps.

Study Habits

I love studying. I love homework. I love going to class. I love learning. Yes, I am that kid. But it’s mostly because I have anxiety, and the thought of not completing homework or being unprepared for class is terrifying (I am not exaggerating). I was a little worried about how my study habits would change when I got to college, and they have changed quite a bit. Believe it or not, I have gotten more committed to completing my homework on time and studying more each night. Maybe it’s because I just yearn to do well, or maybe it’s the fact that I enjoy each of my classes (which makes the homework easier), either way studying has been relatively consistent for me.

This isn’t the same for everybody though, I know a lot of people that are having a difficult time adjusting. College means more work – no not busy work, but actually more work work. College also means the teacher won’t be there to hold your hand along the way, but the professors do have office hours, so if you need to have a question answered, they will be there (you have to go to them, though, not the other way around). Another important thing to keep in mind as you think about your study habits in college is that it’s all your responsibility. Professors won’t remind you, nor should they have to since you are technically an adult (assuming you are over 18). Regardless of your age, though, studying is important. It may not be your number one, but keeping it in your top five will ensure a smoother workload transition from high school to college. 

Hope this helps you, and if you have anymore questions, comments or concerns, I am more then happy to email you. Now I shall hand the metaphorical reins over to Carissa, darling. 





What’s up guys, how are you doing?

So let’s be real: there is no way we are all going to be as dedicated as sweetest Maria is, and there’s no way we will all be able to be as self-disciplined.  There’s no way we’ll have come to college fresh from losing a bunch of weight; I mean, if you’re anything like me and your high school was anything like mine, you’ll have just graduated your senior year with the unfortunate “Senior Twenty,” which is a thing that a friend and I coined when we realized we’d easily put on twenty or more pounds over the course of our final year of high school.

That being said, I’m sure you are all coming from loads of different backgrounds as well.  A little insight on me could give you a clue as to how different one person can be from the next, and I’m going to warn you to read with discretion because apparently Wisconsin customs are a little barbaric (still don’t see it).  

So in Wisconsin (as in other places) we do this thing called hunting, and we have legitimate seasons for it, we get off of school for it (as in the school gives us vacations for it), and we all totally and completely enjoy it.  It’s a sport at the same time it’s a necessity.  I’m sure you’ve all heard about Wisconsin’s unpredictable winters, and let me assure you that it is so convenient to have venison or bear burger in your freezer when there’s so much snow you can’t get out your front door or when the temperatures are so low your vehicles won’t start (I have not exaggerated once so far).  Yes, that means we sit in tree stands and kill deer and bear.  Yes, we eat them.  No, we don’t kill baby deer or baby bears.  No, we don’t kill them and then just leave their dead corpse rot in the woods.  Like, we’re not barbaric; it’s a Wisconsin custom and it’s so normal there that when I came to Indy and found out that everyone thought I was a total savage, I didn’t even know how to defend myself because I’ve never had to before.

There, now that you’ve been briefed, I’m going to get to my point.  Basically, I come from a place where meat is about as necessary for survival as water is, and when Maria came at me with this whole “no meat” thing, I knew that I’d be way out of my element.  However, it’s not something she’s enforcing, thankfully.  I have cut back on meat tremendously since getting here (I hope, anyway), and it’s never something I’m going to completely go without, but I’m trying to eat less of it.  And I haven’t had venison or bear since leaving Wisconsin and I might be having withdrawals but no big deal.

I can’t say I’ve completely cut back on soda as much as I’d have liked to; I probably have at least one can’s worth a day.  The good news is that I’ve discovered a delicious fruit punch gatorade in the cafeteria, so I’ll be drinking that instead of Dr. Pepper from now on, and hopefully that will help.  Did you know that if you completely cut soda out of your diet, it will help get rid of acne?  No?  Well, now you do.

As for the food, I eat one salad a day, usually for lunch although I should be saving it for dinner.  Breakfast should be your largest meal of the day, and normally it’s a good one to splurge on if you’d like.  You have a better chance at burning off those calories.  Just try to eat healthy portions; that’s probably harder for me than anybody because I was raised to eat until I was full, which means long after I should actually stop.  But once you get a pretty good flow going, you’ll become more comfortable with the new eating habits and hopefully, with exercise, you should be totally able to avoid the Freshman Fifteen.  If not, I mean dang, it’s your body.  The heart/stomach wants what the heart/stomach wants, and if that’s food, it’s food.

So those are my words on the subject.  My point is to care about your body and be healthy, but at the same time, your school work is important; your happiness is important; your general wellbeing is important.  Don’t let something like the fear of gaining fifteen pounds steer you away from being successful during college, because you will totally regret it when you’re sixty and everything begins to sag anyway.

With that, goodnight/good day.